With those fateful words: “Now we’ve got kids on the way, it’s time to buy a practical SUV,” death’s scythe is now hovering over the head of your treasured sports car/hot hatch/performance saloon.
But there’s no need to join the flock of underpowered, front-wheel drive wannabe off-roaders when you can have a fast estate car that’s almost as practical, while being nearly as amusing as the fun car you’ll trade it in for. These are the best fast estates you can buy.
The BMW M3 Touring is one of the most rounded performance cars you can buy, just so long as you can get along with its goffer-tooth looks.
The world (or at least we) worried that the new M3 would be a tank of a car with a four-wheel drive system that squeezed out all the fun. But we were wrong. The M3 does a fantastic job of hiding its heft, with a four-wheel drive that permits drifting and a turbocharged straight-six that can keep far less practical cars honest on the straights.
Driven sensibly, though, the M3 has oodles of grip, is quiet and comfortable and has a plush cabin; it’s very much the Swiss Army knife of the performance car world.
The B7 Audi RS4 joins us from a heyday of motoring, where big power came from natural aspiration and engines were so characterful that there was no need to pump fake sound through the speakers.
Even in isolation, the RS4 was special. Power came from the same V8 as the one fitted to the giant-slaying R8 supercar, and all-weather grip came from Audi’s famed Quattro four-wheel drive. It was a golden era for Audi’s chassis dynamics, seeing that the RS4 bit into corner apexes without running wide in a way that quickly became synonymous with quattro until now.
The B8 also comes from a golden age for Audi interiors, with the car’s cabin having a rock-solid feel and an air of usability alien to the current crop of infotainment-screen-wielding performance wagons.
The Skoda Octavia vRS exists to show us that a performance estate car doesn’t need to be expensive. Offering you Volkswagen Golf GTI performance in a larger body and with a smaller price tag, the Octavia’s value is hard to argue with.
In fairness, the vRS isn’t the most exciting hot hatch you’ll ever come across; its engine is too muffled, its body control is just a little too slack, and the car’s impressive flexibility rounds its performance.
But as a fast estate, the vRS gets the formula just right. It's a quiet and comfortable cruiser with plenty of overtaking performance when you need it. While it’s no track-day weapon, its setup allows for engaging fast road progress without battering your passengers to a pulp.
With its Cream Yellow paint, magnesium alloy wheels, rubber band tyres and kerb kissing front splitter, the Volvo T5-R looked like no other estate on the planet, let alone any other Volvo.
Its warbling 240PS (177kW) inline five-cylinder had bucket loads of charisma but also meant this antique-dealer special could nudge 155mph. Being front-wheel drive meant wheelspin and torque steer aplenty, and while the Volvo’s 6.9-second 0-62mph time didn’t set the world alight, in reality, its in-gear acceleration could give thoroughbreds cause for thought.
Yet it was still an old-school Volvo, with a boxy shape giving it a void-like boot capacity and loads of passenger space. Volvo made just 400 T5-R's and a budget of £10,000 is enough to get a good one. Not bad for a marque-defining classic that you can use every day.
The Mitsubishi Evo Wagon wasn’t so much an estate as an explosive way to rearrange the internals of the beloved family Labrador.
Like the saloon, the Evo Wagon had a humdrum four-cylinder engine fitted with a washing-machine-sized turbo. Taming the performance (0-62mph in 4.7 seconds, 150mph flat out) fell to a four-wheel-drive system that, despite lacking the Super Active Yaw Control (AYC) of the saloon, was never happier than when four-wheel drifting out of corners.
While the Labrador won’t appreciate that behaviour, it will appreciate the Evo’s roomy boot and (frantic) clawing-resistant plastics. Unfortunately, the humans among us find the Evo interior ambience falls on the wrong side of cheap, something that can’t be said for its three-to-six-month service intervals. Only ever imported, good ones cost around £30,000.
If you want to see what the Audi RS6 is all about, type ‘Audi RS6 police chase’ into the YouTubes for a terrifying lesson on what the big wagon is capable of. Reassuringly, the ensuing chaos got the criminals in question a combined 30-year stretch.
But it should have been way more. Having nicked the Audi and taken an angle grinder to a Stourbridge cashpoint, the hoods in question made off at triple the speed limit, ramming (and destroying) two police cars in the process, before stingers took out two of its tyres. Running on rims wasn’t enough to stop the RS6, though, which made good its escape and would have got away were it not for the all-seeing eye of the copper chopper.
We law abiders don't have to go to such extreme lengths to attain an RS6 – good ones cost less than £20,000. A bargain considering it has a 588PS (433kW) Lamborghini V10 and a boot capacity measured in acres, not litres.
The MG ZT-T 260 was the best estate car MG (well, Rover) ever built, with grandad’s favourite fitted with a 4.6-litre American V8 producing an unspectacular 260PS (191kW).
The car’s development was as olde worlde as the power figure. The V8 suffered from chronic axle tramp, the cause of which was diagnosed by chaining the MG to a wall while a hardy engineer lay below, taking notes. And, while the V8 was indeed ‘limited’ to 155mph, removing said limiter made precisely zero difference.
But, while a B7 Audi RS4 Avant or S205 Mercedes C63 would run rings around the MG, blind patriotism and our respect for its do-or-die attitude wins it a place here. With less than 50 remaining on UK roads and with good ones starting from less than £15,000 – it’s worth a punt, isn't it?
We were all set to make a case for the highly tuneable 5.5-litre V8 Mercedes S212 E63, but we soon came to our senses, because it would be criminal to ignore the earlier 514PS (378kW) 6.2-litre version.
Unsurprisingly, it guzzled fluids quicker than a newborn ward, but the naturally aspirated V8 dripped in charisma in a way the 5.5 twin-turbo – amazing though it was – can’t contend with. A forged alloy crankshaft and heavy-duty connecting rods meant the AMG lump could rev to nearly 7,000rpm, which meant the E63 could hit 0-62mph in 4.5 seconds.
To the uninitiated, the E63 looks like any other Mercedes estate and has many of the same qualities, which is, to say, it’s huge inside and, despite the stiffened suspension, still comfortable. Prices start from around £15,000, cheap if you can afford the fuel costs.
The E61 BMW M5 Touring is a terrible used purchase. Its V10 engine is famously fragile, its automatic gearbox is famously slow and its thimble-sized fuel tank gives it the range of Bear Grylls on an empty bladder.
But of course, we still want one – because where else can you find an F1-engined estate car? When it works, the BMW’s 507PS (373kW) V10 is the highlight of the show. It’ll scream past 8,000rpm with a sound no other estate (or indeed many supercars) car can match. And it's still very quick. BMW claimed 0-62mph taking 3.4 seconds and a top speed of over 200mph.
Unfortunately, even buying a mint example for around £40,000 – if you can find one – doesn’t guarantee a drama-free experience and when the inevitable bills come, they tend to have at least three zeros.
While the idea of a fast diesel estate sounds like a match made in heaven, Audi’s diesel S4 Avant shows the formula doesn’t guarantee a winner. In the D3 Bi-Turbo, however, Alpina got it spot on.
With a tuned version of BMW’s silky-smooth, six-cylinder 3.0-litre from the 335d, the Alpina produced 350PS (257kW) and, more to the point, a mammoth 700Nm (516lb ft) of torque that made it deliciously easy to overawe the back wheels. Alpine’s fettling made the Bi-Turbo more sorted in corners than a 335d and it sounded good, too, thanks to an Akrapovic exhaust.
But it was also a supremely well-judged daily, with a roomy cabin, comfortable ride and the potential to return more than 50mpg on a run – you’re unlikely to find a more rounded performer for less than £40,000.
We’ll make no bones about it, the 156 GTA Sportwagon is here because it’s an Alfa Romeo and every list featuring the world’s best cars should have an Alfa Romeo where possible.
The case for the Sportwagen gets off to a strong start. The 156 is a good-looking car, but the GTA’s gently muscled lines and phone-dial wheels make it even more desirable. The same is true inside, where the 156’s beautiful cowled dials are joined by the GTA’s heavily bolstered seats.
But this is an Alfa so, by prerequisite, it must also be flawed. The famously musical 250PS (184kW) 3.2-litre V6 Busso was heavy, making the 156 prone to understeer, the car suffered from a jiggly ride and excessive torque steer. The good news is all this can be sorted with a few choice upgrades from the aftermarket. Up to the challenge? Prices start from less than £15,000.
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