OPINION: This infotainment screen madness needs to stop
You might think the tech in new cars couldn't get any more annoying, but you'd be wrong, and China is to blame. At least, this is what we were told at the launch event for a new EV hailing from the East (a car that is under embargo and will remain nameless for now).
According to our company insider, functions are king in China – the more you can cram into one vehicle, the better. As a result, this car could make tractor noises, perform its own light show with tunes to match, deploy smelling salts when it thinks you're getting sleepy driving, have a customisable light signature and even a centre armrest doubling as a removable cool box to complement the disco lights and tunes playing outside.
I have no problem with these things; they're easter eggs that make you smile, giving you a glimpse into how much thought has gone into taking a car from concept to reality. If this level of effort has gone into the things you can see, think how much work goes into all the stuff you can't.
The problem is you need to know when to stop, because you can have too much of a good thing.
Take the simple air vent. Here on our rain-swept island, a vent is a hole in the dashboard with a twiddly bit in the middle that lets you aim the airflow at your face. It'll have a shutter to close it and – if it's in an old BMW (not a new one, this feature is long since gone) – you may even be able to blend cold air with hot. It's simple because it works.
There have been some variations of the theme. The recently replaced Audi A4 had a long diffuser vent that altered the cabin temperature without producing a breeze, but it was a static system controlled by the wider climate. Meanwhile Volvo, like many, put multiple controls on the infotainment screen, but you still directed the vent directly using a tab on the grille itself.
Others, like Mercedes, put their heart and soul into making its vents look interesting, its beautiful turbofan designs proving a focal point amongst even luxurious fixtures, fittings and mood lighting of a posh Merc.
But these turbines are the ventilation equivalent of knuckle-draggers in eastern markets. The Chinese want their vents to be controlled on screen using a Top Gun style targeting system and a precisely placed fingertip on the touchscreen to blast the breeze exactly where you want it.
Great, in theory. The trouble is that it doesn't work. The once simple vent you could easily reach for while you were driving is now completely impossible to use on the move. ‘Functional’ is not the 'F' word that springs to mind.
And it doesn't stop there; wing mirrors are also being made needlessly complicated.
Neanderthals like me love manual mirror adjustment (and windy windows, as it happens) because they make me feel like a car has been paired to the bone in a relentless pursuit to remove needless weight and thus improve the driving experience. Adjusting the mirror by literally forcing it into position is fine, but I could also handle manual (or even electrical) controls (it is 2025, after all).
But for some, that's not good enough. Some want to control their mirrors via an infotainment screen that, like the issue with the vents, is impossible to do when moving and actually pretty tricky to do when you're parked up.
In a thus far fruitless attempt to speak to NCAP about the increasingly distractive layout of car controls, I stumbled across its noble 'Bring Back Buttons' campaign. NCAP has done lots of good for car safety (and perhaps some not-so-good things like mandated – and very 'pushy' – lane-assist systems and bleeping speed warnings), but it strikes me that NCAP could be the people to bring intuitiveness back to modern cars.
A half-a-star penalty here and a whole-star penalty there could nip this infotainment madness in the bud, and I, for one, would not be complaining. So how about it, NCAP, can you make this madness stop?
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